Eliminating False Subjects A proposal writer should eliminate false subjects whenever possible to make writing clearer and more concise. Occasionally, false subjects are necessary to enhance the tone and flow of the document. However, in proposals and professional documents, eliminating false subjects generates a stronger message. Figure 23 shows examples of how proposal text can be made more effective by eliminating false subjects. Notice the difference in word count after the false subject has been removed.
Before
After
There is some evidence of late completion of task orders.
Some task orders are late.
(10 words)
(5 words)
It is certain that changes will need to be made to this design based on the results of the pilot program. (22 words) It will be possible, as the out- sourcing project proceeds, to identify opportunities to improve utilization of the application. (18 words)
Design changes will be needed based on pilot program results.
(10 words)
We can identify ways to improve application use during the out- sourcing project.
(12 words)
Figure 23. Eliminate False Subjects to Clarify Text. False subjects are words like it and there that refer to nothing. Removing themmakes proposal text shorter and easier for the reader to understand.
See False Subjects in the Shipley Proposal Guide .
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